life isn't just a walk in the park....

Looking back at everything that can happen and all that you can learn about your self in such a short amount of time is crazy. Last summer i sat at home with lena every day, and watched mtv talking about how great it would be when we could drive && to be 16. This summer i hardly saw her. This summer istead of wasting time thinking and planning i've been working and tring to keep it all together. Last summer was fun && stupid...this summer was stressful && grown up. So much for getting up at one and staying in my pj's all day. Now i have a boss and rules i have to follow every day. Summer isn't that supposed to be fun, relaxing? I guess this is what growing up is like. I hate it. I used to be happy. Not for any certin reason, but i was just a happy person. Now all i want to do is fight and i'm almost always stressed and mad at something. I miss what i used to have in life. Certin songs remind me of a time period that i would give anyhtign to have back. I think about horses...and i cant tell if i miss riding or just the fact that when i had that i felt good about myself i had a hobbie and i was happy. I didn't need anyone eles or anything else. All i do now is worry. Over this summer so much has changed i can't even tell who i am anymore. I have been threw things i have never imagened. I think the scariest part is that i'll never be happy agian...i wont be able to find that happiness i used ot have. Sure i go out on the weekend with my friends and party and i do fun things but im not a happy person anymore. i feel lost. I can't trust anyone any more because a cerin person has taken all my trust away. I'm to scared of anyone to have a relationship.  Now i talk to ppl and i just think their beign shady or hiding somethign from me. The one person who was my best friend && the only person i can still trust..well i lost her.  I'm lost. I never cry...I'm a Bad ass. no no...not quite all i do is cry now. I guess i left my garud down...I just dont know what to do anymore.

Let me tell you it feels great to have everything you want && just be seriosuly happy with who you are. HOnestly it's the best feeling in the world. Being at the top of your hill...wonderful..

I could also tell you the shittest feeling in the world. Being knocked off that hill then getting the shit knocked out of you when you hit the bottom...ya, when you fuck your shit up so bad you don't know where to start to fix it...it sucks.

Summer school...is so aweseom  i've meet some of the best ppl in the world...i've gotten so many new bestfriends,,its amazing!!

Speaking of friends i donno what i'd do or how i'd get through anything with out lena jensen && ashley...serisouly the best girls in the world.

i hate not knowing what  exactly you want...and how to get it..

i feel so confused about pretty much everything...

GAAHHHH...

SUMMER TIME!

schools only been out like 3 weeks and a shit load has already happened...I'm going to summer school which is awesome..lots of hotties..not gonna lie...i still have the best friends..im SINGLE..thats a whole story in itself...umm..i have a job...i love it and i get paid really good..i've learned alot about myself latley..and i've relized who my true friends are...and i've relized what bitches ppl can be..lol..its crazy....I went through one of the toughest times of my life recently..but im getting better..i've relized how to treat people and how not to..and i've relized that theres a reason ppl get left in your past and dont make it to the future...either there dumb bitches...or complete ass wholes...either way i dont need to waste my time!

I love when you find a song or quote or something that says exactly what your tring to say...lol...weird but i love it...

i can't wait untill mexico...and vegas...and cali!!!!

wow i look back at what i wrote alst and relize how many ups and downs my friends and i have been through. Its been tough but we've all made the best of it...

Over spring break me and my mom went to Laugna beach to do some major shopping and tanning on the beach..it was so much fun just relaxing and spending time with her.But i knew when i got back home the drama would flow right back.

I went to the Paridise Awaits prom it was so much fun. I loved getting all dressed up and getting my hair done. We got a humme H2 limo and that was so much fun. I went with mike..we have been having alot of problems so spending the whoel night with a fake smile on my face was kinda hard...but over all it was fun.

Some of the best news right now is that the seniors leave in like 15 days..i cant wait untill there gone...and that also means summer is here..next year is going to be great...well i hope..i think everyones ready for a new start...

I broke up with mike..it wasnt going well at all...it got to comlicated to fast...it jsut wasn't headed in the right dicrection. That of course was a huge drama fest. Well it wasnt as bad as i thought but defently not smooth.Now hes tring to force himself on me and my life...he's also doing it through my frineds..not the way to go.

I've gotten alot closer to all more friends..the class of 08 have had alot of good times...it seems like we all have our drama with other class's younger/older..but we all seem to stay pretty good friends..

Over all everythings pretty good...oh wait...just kidding

theres a new boy...and our new realationship is probully the most confusing thing ever...but we had a "talk" so i think were both on the same page...we will just have to see...

"never make someone your everything..when there gone you'll have nothing" nothing lasts forever...so dont plan on it..dont let someone eles control your feelings...it never ends up ok..it ends up with at least one broken heart.

unfortuanlly...someone already has my feelings in the plam of there hand...shit...